


No Tolerance

by bridge2X



Category: Ylvis
Genre: F/M, Intolerant, Vampires, ikmy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 03:05:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3158852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bridge2X/pseuds/bridge2X
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Watching 'Intolerant' for the first time made me think of a vampire story ... you know - all the mystery from cirque du soleil , the music itself and lyrics like 'I can't drink what you drink, I'm different' ... Bård confessing to his love that he's a vampire? Well - here you go! I took some inspiration from famous stories of this genre, like you will discover the chapter structure is from 'twilight' but I'm not a fan of cheesy love-till-eternity-stories! Don't be too surprised!<br/>p.s. I'm aware, that it would be more fitting with the boy's personality, if they switched roles, but unfortunately that's not how the video was!<br/>This is my very first fan fic ever I wrote in English...please forgive my spelling!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bård

„Bård! Look what I have!“ I lifted my head and saw her coming over to me. She was waving some black roll and gave me a smile that melted my heart.  
  
„The socks? Seriously? You went back to your apartment to get them?!“  
  
„These are your lucky socks, aren't they? And this is the last regular show for this season, it's something special, somehow. So I thought I should go and get them for you!“  
She handed the socks to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. Thankful that she was not laughing about the concept of something like lucky socks, I held her for a moment and enjoyed her light brown curls tickling my nose. I sighed inwardly. No way out, we had to talk. Now.  
  
„Yeah, to me this show is something special, too!“ I began. „You know, today we will release this new video, 'Intolerant'?“  
  
„Yes! You haven't let me watch it yet! I was not even allowed to listen to the song! What's up with you and this video?!“ She looked up at me and frowned mockingly.  
  
„I..well...somehow I wrote it for you, you know! Mainly the first verse, because otherwise this whole thing would have become much too serious for a comedy video I guess... or at least the others... I mean, this is not exactly a love song or something... more like something I've carried with me for longer and I didn't know, how to tell you any other way, so..“ I stammered.

A questioning expression appeared in her beautiful gray eyes „Okeeey... you're making this pretty mysterious, I must say!“  
Damn it! This was going to be hard! What if she would not get it? What if she would get it and could not handle it?

„I'm sorry! This is kinda difficult for me, you know! I've carried this for so long now and I really don't know how to start talking about it. So I thought it would be a clever idea to put it in a video, so that there would be no way out anymore!“  
  
I loosened her arms to sit down and put on the socks.  
  
„So please watch it attentively! Will you?“ I begged, head down „But- you know me! Don't take it literally... that would be absurd!“  
  
I looked up again and squeezed out half of a smirk.  
By the way she gazed at me I could tell that she had an idea what awaited her.   
How could she not? We've been together for five months now. Since the day she came into my life. When TV Norge assigned her to be our makeup artist.  
  
We had this first big press conference here at Folketeateret where the whole team was introduced. I couldn't keep my eyes off her the whole day and when we were finished in the evening, I asked her if she would like to have a beer with me.  
  
Since then we were together like every day. It felt right somehow to be with her. And I had been alone for such a long time. Sure I met women in my life who touched me like she did, a hand full in the last 600 years, but - and that's the nature of it - most times it didn't end too well for one reason or another.  
This time I would do anything to make it last! Part of it was to tell her who I really was.  
  
And to deal with Vegard.  
  
He never understood why I got involved in emotional relationships with human women. He found them useless and unsatisfying. Well, the alternative was to spend the rest of my existence with him... tempting!  
  
„Hey, my friend! Do you think you'll ever be finshed, so we can go on stage?“ His voice snapped my stream of thoughts.  
„Hurry up, man! The warm up will be finished in 30 seconds!“   
  
I raised my head and frowned „Am I allowed to tie my shoes, please?“

„Oh, you definitely should! We don't want you to tumble during the opening dance and break your pretty nose!“ He gave me a big grin.   
  
What was that supposed to mean now? Yes, I knew it happened before! Not here in Norway. Once, in a former life...but why he had to come up with it now, using this we-both-know-that-you-tend-to-fail-look?!  
  
„Idiot!“ I tied the shoe lace and stood up.  
  
Lina was still standing there looking worried. I gave her a short hug and kissed her.  
  
„So watch it, will you? And afterwards you'll tell me what comes to your mind about it!“  
  
She nodded with a serious expression on her face.  
  
„You two are so cute“ Vegard crinkled his nose. „Hepp, sweetheart, back to work!“ he called happily and slapped her butt.   
Damn it! Why could he never treat anything that was important to me with respect?! I grumbled and pushed him towards the entrance. We had a show to make...

 

 

I was doing surprisingly well.

I expected to struggle with concentration or to be completely tense. But as soon as the eyes of the audience were on me, I was a talk show host!  
This was something that _mattered!_ Which life we ever chose during the last centuries, most times it had something to do with a stage.  
Time may change but not what 's inside of you.  
This was something I always wanted to do – entertaining people!  
And I loved being good at it.  
  
The only thing disturbing was Vegards on-going teasing.   
His comment at the entrance was just the beginning. Obviously he had decided to leave me however stunned. Whether he made allusions in front of the running camera only I understood or he accused me of mistakes I didn't make, while a film was shown – he was getting on my nerves like hell!  
  
During the commercial break Lina came to refresh our makeup.   
I watched her face through half closed eyes while her brush was stroking over my face, asking myself if I would ever see her smile again like that. What if she couldn't bare it?   
Please understand...

 

  
As usual the premier of the new video was settled at the very end...  
  
„This season the topics of our songs mostly were nonsens- but not this time! This time it's actually about couple-relationship!“ I started the intro and waited for Vegard to add his sentence, as we worked out.   
  
But instead he and Calle decided that it would be funny to make some stupid jokes about what secrets you could hide from your partner. Ok, they were actually funny, but it was not what we planned and I would not let him take over this introduction completely!  
  
„...all these dark stuff!“ I interrupted him „ This song is exactly about this: how hard it can be to tell the one you love your darkest secret. Here is „Intolerant'!“  
  
This was the best I could do...

  
When the camera went off our faces I hissed over to Vegard : „What's wrong with you today?! Did someone promise you a reward for getting on my nerves?!“

„Naaaah...your face looking pissed is reward enough!“ he muttered back. „More interesting question is : what's wrong with _you_?“  
  
„What do you mean?“ I denied „Everything's as usual with me!“  
  
„Bullshit! There's something cooking! And you know I don't like you to have secrets!“  
  
That was an understatement!  
  
„Fine!“ I whispered, now determined to go for it „Then it will make you happy to hear, that I'm going to tell Lina the truth tonight!“  
  
„Not again, you moron!“ he blurted out, so loud that Calle paid attention to us.

„Check off!“ I snapped at him.  
  
„Oh no!“ Vegard disagreed hotly „This is about the two of us as well, when you're going to endanger our security just because you're too dumb to learn!“  
  
„Lina?“ Calle ask „Maybe she will post some somber stories about you on Facebook! Wouldn't you find that exiting?“  
  
„Uh! You used to be wittier at times!“ I groused and stood up.  
  
„You will definitely let it be!“ Vegard supplied.   
„I definitely won't!“ I answered and headed to the camera spot for the good bye segment - the video was almost at it's end!  
  
They both followed me.  
  
„You know something?“ I told Vegard „ For you love to have control over everything, how about doing this all by yourself?! So I won't be able to say something wrong!“ I smiled and fell silent.  
  
Bad idea! Vegard might be brilliant at designing concepts or manipulating people but if there was one thing he couldn't do, it was talking!  
  
His long-winded preview on next weeks unicef show almost drove me crazy. Eagerly I bobbed up and down till I couldn't stand it no more.  
  
„Join us and save the world - next Tuesday! See you!“ I threw in to finish it.  
  
After that I gave a shit on the camera and went over to talk to the audience...  
  
Everything, but out of his reach!   
Just the Meet & Greet and it would be over.  
I could do that, I was a good actor.  
All I had to do was keeping the nerves...


	2. Lina

I hated to wait for him - In general and this time in particular!  
  
Not because of the time, I could not spend with him... ok, a little, but mostly it bothered me to think of them being at this Meet & Greet, where all these women wanted to embrace him and got lost in his big blue eyes!   
I knew there was no need to worry, he always was a true professional - so I had to be the same. I behaved, but I hated it.  
  
When they finally appeared at the backdoor, it was close to midnight.  
The moment Bård spotted me, he hastened his steps, grabbed my arm, turned me around and went out so fast that he literally dragged me behind him.  
  
„What's up?“ I asked surprised  
  
„Nothing!“ he answered „I just want to get away from Vegard!“  
  
When we had passed the square, he stopped and let my arm go. I gazed at him questioningly.   
  
„Sorry“ he laid his hand on my neck and kissed me.  
“We don't get along too well today!“ he explained, pointing with his head back to the theater.   
„Are we going for a drink?“  
  
„Sure!“ I replied, surprised, that he didn't want to go home. „The Italian down the street is open late night“ I suggested.   
  
He just nodded and we went those few meters in silence.

  
  
As we entered, the waitress smiled at us. Bård was known here.  
  
He put on his prince-charming-smile.  
  
“I know it's late, but would it be possible to sit in the separate room? We're in need of some privacy.“  
  
„No problem!“ she answered and opened the door to a small room containing only six tables.   
The chairs had already been perched, so she cleared one of the tables with well trained moves and lightened the candle in the middle.  
  
„What can I get you?“ she asked.  
  
„Umm..“ A little helpless I gazed at Bård.   
  
He hesitated for a moment while he was putting his jacket on the chair and said: “I think we will need some more time. We will call for you when we're ready, ok?“  
  
„Of course!“ she smiled and left the room.   
  
This was so typical ! No one could refuse him anything, if he was going for it! Everyone else would probably had been reminded of the time and sent home.  
  
Bård pointed at the chair across him and I pulled out my stuff and seated myself as well.  
  
The mood between us was kind of strange to me, something awaited me.  
  
"What is it, you want to talk about so urgently?“ I asked carefully.  
  
„Yeaaah...“ He breathed deeply „Did you watch the video?“  
  
Of course I did!  Actually I had run to the director's room immediately to watch it a second and third time. But what was I supposed to say now?   
I tried to relax the situation.  
  
„I did! And I have to say, I really don't like, how you made out with this actress!“ I said with a faked wrath.  
  
„Lina...“  
  
„Don't talk yourself out of it! You touched her boobs!“  
  
„God...no I haven't!“  
  
„Sure you have! I could clearly see how you enjoyed, to let your hands...“  
  
„LINA!!“ he shouted  
  
Frightened I muted.  
  
“Sorry! Seriously! I wanna talk something important!”  
  
“I'm sorry” I murmured.   
  
So he really wanted to mention _that_ topic!   
  
“What do you wanna know?”  
  
He cleared his throat. “Could you make a conclusion? I mean the first verse..?”  
  
I didn't know how to start. It all matched too well with all those awkward thoughts I had from time to time since we were together.  
But that was something I clearly could not tell – he'd probably send me to loony bin!  
  
„By the way you look, I'd say you have!“ he tried to elicit me an answer. „Come on, dare it!“  
  
I hesitated. „Wait, you don't want to tell me that you can't take milk, right?“  
  
He giggled briefly and bumped down his forehead on the table.  
  
„No! I told you that would be absurd!“ Jerkily he lifted his head and looked at me. „Try again!“  
  
„There is something I could say...“  
  
„Then do it!“  
  
„I can't...“ restless I fidgeted on my chair  
  
„Why can't you?"  
  
„It is a stupid idea! And if I'm wrong, it would be so embarrassing, that we possibly could not date anymore!“  
  
„Ok.“ He ran his hand through his face as if to hide a grin. „Just pretend you are joking.“  
  
„What?!“  
  
„Do it, come on!“  
  
„You...“ I stopped again „This video...it seemed to me as if you are trying to tell, that you are a Vampire! Haha!“ I rushed out as fast as possible.  
  
„Now, that was brave!“ he laughed silently „And now imagine it was no joke!“  
  
I tore my eyes open and starred at him. „No joke?!“  
  
„No.“  
  
„You are a Vampire?!“  
  
„Yes.“ He bit his lips and looked me in the eyes.   
  
Wordless I starred back.  
So many questions were spinning through my head , starting with 'you are kidding, right?',  
that my brain got stuck completely.  
  
After a while he leaned back in his chair and squeezed out: „You see, I have lots of time, being kind of immortal and everything but I would prefer to be punched in the face within a minute!“  
  
„Oh! I'm so sorry!“ I muttered  
  
„Ah, yeah - sure! I'm the one carrying an unbearable secret and lying for months and you apologize!“  
  
„No, I mean- you see...I don't know what to say!“  
  
„Do you believe me?“  
  
„Yes!“  
  
He blew out  
  
„I thought once in a while, that there's something strange with you. But every time I was thinking 'Vampire' I said to myself: 'don't be nuts, you're not part of some stupid teenie novel!'“  
  
„Like what for example?“ he asked curious.“I thought, I was doing a pretty good job hiding it!“  
  
„For example? You want examples?“  
  
„Tell me!“  
  
„Oh, let's see...like, when the old lady from second floor broke her leg in the basement and you could here her cry, you mean? It's not possible to hear that! I live in this house for eight years, I know!   
Or when you lifted my sofa like that, when this pen rolled under it? Not to mention Oskar! He's almost fainting every time you enter the room! Poor kitty... Do you want me to continue?“  
  
He smirked. „Does it scare you?“  
  
„No!“ I answered quick as a shot. „ No.You never seemed scary to me just... weird!  
And...it's...you seem to be so ...human, I mean, you...why?!“  
  
„Don't dare to ask me, why I don't sparkle in the sun or I swear I'll throw this salt thingy at you!“ he threatened.   
  
We both burst out laughing. It made that tension between us more endurable.

„Ok, seriously! Why are you so human?“ I asked, as I found my voice back. „I mean- you are warm, you breathe, I even think your heart is beating!“  
  
„Oh,“ he grinned „The living-dead-fairytale! Well, there are no scientific memoirs or stuff, but I'm sure, I am not dead! In fact it seems pretty hard to die!  
I'd say, it's more like a mutation. Our predator genes, that are atrophied in a normal person are fully active, my skill of self-healing is a hundred times stronger and I'm aging unbelievable slowly, but yet I do...  
And I'm faster, stronger and prettier than you!“  
  
Uh!That was so him! Could he never stop making stupid jokes?  
  
„And you drink... blood?“ I wanted to know, slightly disgusted.  
  
„I drink blood, I eat raw meat or fish, some kind of fruits, even if those are pretty unsatisfying. You need a lot of energy when you're awesome, you know and meat or blood are clearly giving more of it. To all the other stuff I'm... well...intolerant!“  
  
Something was crossing my mind „All this sushi!“  
  
He grinned sheepishly „Gosh, yeah, I like that!“  
  
Back to the heavy part. “Are... you biting people?“ I asked tensely  
  
„I try to avoid it. You see, the more blood you drink, the more your predator side will take over. You kind of have more influence on others and you're stronger and stuff, but on the other hand you decide things more instinctively, things you may not so proud of later, somehow like when you're stoned. I'm not very good at this. Several times I did some shit, I regretted badly afterwards. That's why I try to limit it.“  
  
„And Vegard is...?“  
  
„What ? A pesky, controlling wise-arse? Yes, he is!“  
  
„Ok, maybe! But a vampire?“  
  
„Serious question?“ he frowned ironically.  
  
„Ok, I admit it is pretty obvious. But what about Calle? And Magnus?“  
  
„Calle is! He's not with us for too long. We met him in 1972 and Vegard turned him.“  
  
„Oh, how does that work?“  
  
„That's something pretty much like those fairy tales tell you! You have to drink a larger quantity of our blood.  
Magnus... Magnus indeed is something we call a source. A human you make submissive to keep him as a 'source' to feed from. Vegard and Calle are holding him. Very useful, because he is so big! I think it sucks...“  
  
He frowned and started to play with the mats, laying on the table. „I often feel sorry for him, although I have to say, they treat him nicely!“  
  
A completely different question was bothering me.  
  
„You said Calle isn't with you for too long? Like 40 years? How old the heck are you?!“  
  
„Oh, about 600 years.“  
  
Oh, wow! I swallowed hard. „This is...I mean...all the things you must have seen!“  
  
I suddenly felt very small. „But one cannot recognize that! You -all- are like everyone else today“  
  
„Well, you learn to adapt yourself.“   
  
He looked quite lost, leaning in his chair.   
  
For the moment I was happy about this table between us. It saved me from deciding if I wanted to embrace him or... not so much.  
  
„This is the first thing to learn“ he continued. „Be like everyone else, talk like everyone else, do not stand out!“  
  
Wait – there was a hitch somewhere!  
  
„Don't stand out?“ I asked aghast. „You kinda fail at this, don't you think? I mean- look at you! You're fucking world-famous!“  
  
„Aww, come on! That's not true!“ he denied. „We are slightly famous. We always make sure, it don't get too big!   
This bloody fox song almost broke our necks! It was yet possible to calm it all down!  
You know, no matter where we ended up during the last centuries, we always managed to do something creative. What good is it for, to live like forever, when you're not allowed to do what you like best?  
We usually stay for about ten to twenty years, if nothing comes in between and then we move on...“  
  
„Ah, until people would recognize that you are not aging!“  
  
„Exactly. You can do a lot. Diversify the length of your hair, use more make up or less, but  
you come to a point, when it's over.“  
  
„I understand.“ I tried to clarify my thoughts; I still had a lot of questions!  
  
„How...how this all started? I mean, how you became like this? Did someone turn you?“  
  
„I have no idea.“ He rested his chin on his hands and gazed over my shoulder into thin air.   
„We originally lived in Iceland, in a small village, you know. All I remember is, that one early morning a awoke at the village square, Vegard beside me. Half of our neighbors were dead and we were... this!   
When the others found out, that there was something wrong with us, they tried to kill us.   
We then fled to the continent.   
And after a few years, we ended up with those, they called the traveling people. That was, where we found out, what our fortes are.“  
  
With a little smile he looked back at my face.  
  
„So you are brothers for real?“ I inquired.  
  
„It's clear to see, isn't it?“  
  
A little insecure I decided to yet take his hand. He recognized my pause and pulled it back.  
  
„It's ok.You don't have to pretend, that this is all fine with you. I know it's not!“  
  
His big blue eyes got a pleading expression. „But please, you must believe me, that I'd do you no harm ever!“  
  
„That's not it! I didn't hesitate, because I was scared. It's just... everything is so different now!   
We...we were so close just a moment ago. I thought, I'd know you completely and now it turned out, ninety percent of it were not for real! I just don't know how...“  
  
„But that's not true at all!“ he interrupted me, his voice no more than a whisper.  
  
„But you...“  
  
„It's not true!“ he repeated while his eyes were exploring my face permanently.  
  
„Okey...“ I said slowly, unsure how to take this.  
  
„I'm exactly how you thought I am! I never pretend! Never! Not for you, not for anyone. I'm only playing a role for the camera. There are just some things, you didn't know about me. Another twenty percent!“  
  
He waited for me to react, but I had no idea what to say. I badly had to ponder things.  
  
„You just have to believe me, please! Do you believe me? Say you do!“  
  
His voice sounded so pleading, that I had to smile instinctively.  
  
„I really want to... but I need some time! I mean, can I sleep this over or something? I have to clarify things...“  
  
„Come!“ he slapped his hand on the table and stood up abruptly. „Let's get outa here!“  
  
I stood up as well. „Weren't we supposed to make an order or something?“ I asked doubtfully.  
  
He took a 100 Kroner bill out of his pocket, tucked it under the salt shaker, grabbed his jacket and he hurried out the door with long steps.  
I pulled my stuff together and followed him.  
  
  
  
I caught up with him on the street, where he had stopped and faced me.  
  
„Better!“ He took a deep breath.  
  
„Yes!“ I agreed  
  
„Let's walk!“ he said, while he fumbled the zipper to close his jacket „I 'll join you for the station“  
  
So we walked down the street, silent, with a corresponding safety distance between us.  
  
I would have been happy to say something or to come up with more questions but my head was blown empty.   
I tried not to look over to him.   
When I did, my desire grew, to hug him, bury my face on his neck and scream 'Make everything the way it was before!'  
But it wasn't. Not at all.  
  
We came across a blue Volvo, that was parked with one wheel on the sidewalk.  
Bård let out a short laughter and slapped on the roof and I realized that it was Magnus car, standing here.   
That brought up yet another question and I was glad to break the silence.  
  
„Magnus... you said before, Vegard and Calle are keeping him as a 'source' ...how do they do that? Do they force him? Threaten him? Hypnotize, or what?“  
  
„Umm, no! It's nothing like hypnosis. People, who make them self available as a source- they kinda seem to do that voluntarily. You know, it seems to be something like a fascination that emanates from us. Most of the humans, you show what you are and then ask them to be your source, they suddenly want nothing more than agree - like to be a part of it!“ he shook his head and made a slighting sound. „This fascination thing is fricking useful almost everywhere. Everyone we ask, is keen to work with us!“  
  
I was thunderstrucked! This seemed to be the worst question I could have asked!  
  
When he noticed that I had stopped, he turned around and and gave me a questioning look.  
  
„That's what it is?!“ I asked horrified. „Does that mean, I'm not in love with you at all?! You just put on this fascination thing and I can't resist??“  
  
I could barely breathe!  
This all was even worse! Nothing was for real! The Bård I thought I knew doesn't even seem to exist!   
I didn't know, if I should cry or scream or both...  
  
"I... no!!“ he called out horrified. „I can't turn that on! It's... it's just a part of me, part of my nature! If you love me, then you love all of that in a whole! Like what you see is what you get!“  
  
He sounded convinced.   
I was not.  
  
„Ok, this doesn't work that way! I need to be alone! I'm going home now!“

„The station..“ he started  
  
„Forget about that! I'm going by myself! I'm all grown up!“  
  
I turned around and stamped away in the opposite direction.  
  
After twenty meters I couldn't fight the urge anymore to look back.  
He stood where I left him, his arms wrapped around his chest, biting his lips.  
  
It almost broke my heart! All these great feelings, I had for him would never be the result of a manipulation! They just couldn't! I loved him so much it almost killed me!  
  
„I'll call you, when I'm ready for this!“ I shouted.  
  
He nodded slowly.  
  
I turned away and headed towards the taxi stand across the street.


	3. Bård

Sunday morning she had called.   
  
The last few days had been hell to me..  
The fact, that we had never been without each other for longer than one day, didn't help at all. Half of the time, I was sure to never see her again.  
When finally her name showed up on the display, I almost dropped my phone. She seemed to be very relaxed as we talked, in fact more than me. She didn't say much, we just made a date for three pm here at the parking lot of our office.  
  
And now I was standing here, waiting my ass off. There was no reason to worry though. It was only 14.57, regarding to my watch, but that didn't keep me from hanging around here for so long, that my feet started to froze.  
  
A lot of time to imagine hundreds of variations of how it would be between us, when she actually would arrive.  
What would she say? Maybe she'd come just to break up?  
  
She came on foot. I saw her walking up the hill from a distance.  
She stopped a few meters in front of me. Some endless seconds we just looked at each other. Then she took a deep breath.  
  
“Fuck! Why you have to be so beautiful, it kicks me off my shoes every time!”  
  
And before I had time to feel embarrassed about this silly sentence, she ran over to me and throw herself into my arms!  
  
I strongly wrapped my arms around her, buried my face in her hair and deeply inhaled her scent.  
  
“I don't care!” she muttered into my shoulder “I don't care, that you may have this skill to make people do what you want. You are right, that's just a part of you! I don't care, if you have any predator genes, you would never hurt me, I know! And I don't care how long you've been living or who you were before – I never want to be without you ever again!!”

God damn it! Now this happened again! There was nothing I could do about it anymore. I would never learn, what she planned to come for in the first place, probably to say good bye.   
I could not remember how often I heart someone say sentences like:  
'I planned to be mad at you, but now I see, I was overdoing this!'.  
I wanted nothing more than, that she loved me an she wanted nothing more, than to please me!  
  
How I wished I could turn it on and off, like she imputed. But it was the way I told her – this was my nature, she loved me, because it was a part of me. There was no other Bård to love!   
So how could I complain? She was here...

She pinched her fingers into my shoulder blades and let out her strain in a kind of rutting scream.  
I tried to say something, but her weird outburst, combined with me being torn, tempted me to laugh so much that all that came out of my mouth was an unrestrained giggle.  
  
When she looked up to me with a grin, I was completely lost.  
  
For minutes we both laughed our heads off. Every time I looked at her, it started anew.  
  
After a while we found our self sitting on the wall in front of the parking lot, trying to catch our breath.  
  
“Wow” I wheezed and looked over to her “that was..umm..strange!”  
  
“Yes!” she admitted “but it helped! I'm freaking scared, you know!”  
  
“Of me?” I asked strained  
  
“No” she slowly shook her head. “All of this, this situation!  
I mean, I don't have any clue what this all may imply for me or what things are waiting around the corner I can't even think of now!” -  
  
“So why you are here?”  
  
“Because I suddenly thought, you could be worth it.”  
  
She picked up a pebble from the ground and flicked it across the street.  
“You know, my teacher once told me that - You can reduce everything in life down to one question – do I want or do I not?”  
  
“And you want...” I added with a stupid grin.  
  
“Yup! Best advice I ever received! Everything can be that easy!” She let another pebble follow the first one.  
  
“Ok,” I said “So we had this!” There was no sense in asking her for reasons any longer.  
“Do you have any plans for today? Any reason why you wanted to meet here in particular?”  
  
“Nope, I just thought no one would be here on Sunday and on the other hand, we would be close to a neutral house in case I feel like I wanna rip your clothes off!”  
I took a look at her from the corner of my eye to check out, if she was serious, but she was just watching a pigeon that swaggered at our feet and I didn't want to take a risk.  
  
“I thought, I could show you where I live” I said instead. ”Interested?”  
  
She lifted her head in astonishment. “Really? You would take me to your house? You always said, Vegard would not agree!”  
  
“Sure I will!” I replied “No more secrets! Shall we?”  
  
I stood up and pointed at my Maserati standing at the parking.  
  
She nodded determinedly and followed me to the passenger's door.  
I activated the key and opened the door for her. She stopped for a moment and put her hands on mine, lying on the door strut.  
  
“Tell me I won't regret this!” she begged me.  
  
“I can't!” I admitted “I don't know, what will be, only that it will be different from everything you had before!”  
  
She looked into my eyes, nodded silently and got in.  
  
  
  
To drive up to the more affluent part of Oslo took a while, so we had time to talk.   
  
Unfortunately I didn't know where to start, so I felt pretty relieved when she started speaking out her thoughts aloud after a while.  
  
“You know... I'm still not sure how much of you I really know...things like what kind of secret skills you have, what parts are fake?”  
  
“Yeah, you got me, my boobs are made!” I joked.  
  
She sent over a tired smirk.  
“Bård, please! I feel kind of insufficient when thinking about all this! It doesn't help at all, when you're making fun of me!”  
  
“Sorry” I murmured “So what you wanna know?”  
  
”Have you...? Hmm. Can you...?” She ceased.  
  
I turned my face for a second, waiting patiently for her to continue. I knew this was not easy for her.  
  
“How many women did you have in -what?- 600 years?” she finally came up with.  
  
It made me laugh a bit. “You mean like a relationship?”  
  
She shrugged her shoulders.  
  
“It's not easy to be with someone who has completely different circumstances of ...life...existence - than yourself. You keep kind of an inner distance towards humans after a while, to keep yourself from getting hurt.  
You all change so fast! Not only your bodies, I mean, but your ...hmm...position in society, while you're aging.  
I kind of stay who I am. Not a good precondition for a relationship.  
And you can never be sure, how a woman will react, when she finds out about you.  
I cannot even blame someone who gets to know a secret like mine, wanting to share it with another person, just to get it off their chest. But then that other person wants to do the same and it starts getting real dangerous for us!  
It bothers Vegard even more than me, he would never take the risk of having kind of a normal relationship with a woman.  
But me - I love being normal! I always worry, people would think of me as a freak, if they would find out.  
Yeah. But sometimes, like four times so far, to answer your question, it just strikes me, when I meet someone and there's no way out of it, than leaving the country or falling in love unconditionally and take a risk.”  
  
“Like with me?” she asked, holding her breath.  
  
“Yeah, like with you!” I smiled “That's why we're here!”  
  
“So what did Vegard say about you telling me your secret?”  
  
Errr... wrong question!  
  
He had waited for me in the hall when I came home Wednesday morning  
First I was tempted to turn around and leave. But it was my house as well as his.

“So how did you decide? Did you tell her” his first question had been.  
  
I had lied. The last thing I could had stand, was him keeping me up for hours, while he was painting scenes, I was not going to believe.  
  
“No. I think I kinda broke up.” I had answered.  
  
He had come over to me, gave me a hug and I hugged him back, knowing he was doing all this for the same reason, I lied – he was certain, it would be the best for me.  
He knew a shit.

“You didn't tell him” Lina interpreted my silence right.  
  
I nodded and kept my eyes on the road.  
  
“I still don't get why you are making such a big thing out of talking to him!  
Well, you see... I know him as long as I know you now and he never seemed any different to me, than a friendly, caring, funny man! A little nerdy maybe and a little obsessed with being perfect but never mean or something, that could explain your worry!”  
  
“This is exactly how he would be, if he'd be a human, without his Vampire site.  
But he's feeding, you know...  
It makes us unscrupulous, ruthless...hmm..selfish!  
You would not like me, if I would do! I don't like myself...”  
  
I took a look at her face.  
  
“I know it's hard to believe! But he's a fucking good actor and he's playing this role for several hundred years now.”  
  
“But now you're taking me home with you.” It was a statement, not a question.  
  
“Huh! I'm coward! I made the video to force me talking to you and now I bring you to our house to force me talking to him!”  
  
“Ok” she just said.  
  
Then she took my hand and clasped her fingers into mine. That's how we stayed for the rest of the way.  
  
  
  
  
I opened the gate with my remote and drove down the parkway.  
It made me laugh, when I saw the expression on her face.  
  
“You are ...pretty rich, aren't you?” she whispered in disbelieve.  
  
“We err..kinda have all we need!” I answered. It was embarrassing to show such wealth to normal people.  
I remembered, when our manager came here for the first time, he said 'You Ylvis guys kinda live like Elvis!! Hahaha!”  
  
Yeah, funny... but Elvis had been an idiot, he had not known how to hide what he was!  
  
I tried to excuse all this waste.  
  
“It helps to make you feel better about being a freak, when you can have everything you want. And we can hide our special lifestyle more easily inside this huge property.”  
  
“Ok, I understand! I don't know what I expected but this is definitely more!” she answered with a confused laughter.  
  
  
I parked the car and we got out.  
  
I let her spend some moments watching the huge modern villa of steel and glass and the garden- or let's call it park- surrounding it.  
  
When we came to Norway,14 years ago, we first decided to go with a traditional Scandinavian style of house. But I love to have space – above my head, around myself...  
So when we moved from Bergen, I asserted my taste and we ended up with that.  
  
I put my arm around her shoulder and held her tight, to be honest it was to make both of us feel more safe as we went in.  
  
  
Vegard was not home, was the first thing I noticed with relieve.  
  
“Some sightseeing?” I asked Lina, making a surrounding gesture.  
  
”I would love to, My Lord!” she joked and made a little curtsy.  
  
I gave her a wide grin and opened the first door.  
It warmed my heart to watch her eyes getting big like a child's on Christmas every time I showed another room.  
The salon, the studio, the cinema, even the bathroom!  
  
I kept my room to the very end of the tour. When we stepped inside, Lina frowned and turned around herself several times.  
  
“What?” I asked worriedly.  
  
“Um..ah..” she said with a little smile “This is...different! Very different from what I thought it would be!  
I mean, look at all this...stuff! This room looks more like one of those little -umm -junk shops?!”  
  
“Hey!” I replied a little embarrassed “What do you mean- junk shop? I'm a fan of memorabilia! There are a lot of them after all the time, as you can see!”  
  
“I do see!” she laughed. “ And look at all these books! I thought you don't read?! Was this part of your disguise as a cool, modern, human, 21st century guy?”  
  
I felt like I had to safe my reputation. “Whooo! Wait! I am exactly as cool as you thought just last week,ok?! And I stopped reading, when wasting far too much lifetime became more electronic in the eighties! But I admit, I have kind of a problem with leaving things behind! This room is... like the storage chamber of my memories!”  
  
”Yeah, I guess that's a good description! And look at this! You are even kind of romantic!” she called and waved some dust from a candelabra standing on a dresser. She spotted a lighter on my desk and grabbed it.  
  
“Oh, come on! This is nothing romantic! They are just dec...I don't even know if they...  
ok, they burn!” I gave up.  
  
She smirked happily and put the lighter back, “Don't worry” she said “I love this room! It tells me so much more about you, than you showed me the last 5 month! Take this bed for example!” she said and sat on it. “It's huge, so I would guess, you love to sleep... which I already know, spending _some_ nights with you!”  
  
She let herself fall on her back, spread her arms and turned her face to me. I decided, that it would be save to join her, so I went over and lied next to her.  
  
I touched her nose with my index and as she smiled, slide down to her lips.  
  
“I thought for a while I'd never get to touch your lips again, you know” I whispered  
  
“Hm, I guess, that was never an option...I mean, leaving you.” she answered in a serious tone.  
  
I leaned over to kiss her, when a gust blew out the candles. Someone had opened the door downstairs.  
  
“Vegard?” she ask.   
  
I nodded, I could hear him crossing the hall.   
  
She jumped up. “So let's face it!” 

I took a deep breath and grabbed her hand.  
We went down and I saw, that Vegard must had entered the salon, because the door was closed.  
  
“Wait” I murmured and opened it.  
  
He stood in the middle of the room, holding a glass of water. When he saw me, he raised his eyebrows. “Hey!” he grinned.  
  
“We have to talk!” I snapped and waved back for Lina to come in.  
  
His grin froze. For a few seconds he just starred at her.   
Then his face turned back to a friendly smile. “Seems like you're no longer separated!” he commented, putting his glass on a coffee table.  
  
She replied his smile. “No, obviously not!” she answered.  
  
“Good for you!” He turned to me “But I wonder, what made you think, it would be clever to bring her here!”  
  
Ok, here we go...  
  
“You know why!” I stated “I let her know the truth, like I told you I would!”  
  
He closed his eyes for a moment. “Yeah, you told me... But I'm truly rude!” he changed his tone, went over to Lina and stretched out his hand. “Welcome to our home!”  
  
She gazed at me and took his hand.   
He was not through with that, I knew.  
  
“You know, you could trust me from time to time!” I tried to take the wind off his sails. “She can take a lot more than you would guess! She didn't freak out about it!”  
  
Vegard turned to me, still holding her hand.  
  
"That's sweet!" he purred "You told her? And she didn't freak out?"  
  
"Actually I was ...umm...kind of confused for a few days! But I would not say I freaked out, no!" she smiled, her eyes   
searching for mine.  
  
I sent her a little grin but immediately looked back at Vegard.   
There was a certain look on his face, that started to worry me.  
  
"Oh boy! " he sighted "Will you never grow up? She's such a beauty!"

This was going terribly wrong! I suddenly knew, when I saw him putting a strain of her soft brown hair behind her ear.  
  
He would never accept this, I had never should have brought her there!  
  
"Well, what can I say?" he called out.   
  
And before I was able to make a single move, he drilled his right hand with one violent push into her chest and ripped out her heart!  
  
"Congrats!" he said with a stone cold voice "You won her heart!"  
  
I stared at her, watching her eyes break and her body gliding slowly towards the ground.  
  
The world around me collapsed.  
My chest seemed to explode, my brain refused to build a single thought.  
  
"Nooo!!!" I wanted to scream but my voice broke.   
  
I gasped for breath, helpless stretching my hands out for her...  
  
And then it hit my senses!  
  
This incredible smell of silk and iron filling my mouth...   
My eyes caught Vegards hand moving that dropping red chunk towards my face to offer it to me.   
I heard the tiny wet noises it made, as he moved his fingers and everything fade away.  
  
Nothing mattered anymore.  
  
Linas empty face dying in front of me, all the feelings I had for her, the pain that overwhelmed me seconds ago.  
Nothing more inside me but this need to still the hunger!  
  
With a fast, greedy grip I pulled Vegards arm towards me and dug my teeth into this still warm, twitching muscle.  
With an overwhelming might, the power poured into me. With every sip, every bite of the red life, it ran down my throat and filled my whole being!  
  
Like in a wild ecstasy all in me wanted more and even more and an unbelievable delight was running with a speed through my body, that made me wanna scream out loud!  
  
I was not sure, if I did.  
  
I had no idea how long this condition lasted, but after a time, reality snapped back.  
  
I gasped for breath and waited for my bones to stop shivering.  
When I heart a quiet laughter, I became aware of Vegards presence and recognized that I was still clasping his arm.  
  
“Well, someone was hungry here, it seems!” he said softly and stroked my cheek gently with his thumb.   
Then he opened my cramped fingers from his wrist.  
  
“You knew it had to end like that, didn't you?” he asked calmly  
.  
With a casually gesture he hurled the leftover parts of the heart on Lina's desecrated body lying on the floor and licked his fingers clean.  
  
I felt my face crinkle when, without my support, I replied his smile.  
  
“We will have to take care of this!” he said, kicking her leg aside while passing her.   
“Sooner or later someone will miss her and your coupling was really more than obvious! Well..so what! It was time to move on anyway!” he added, already leaving the room.  
  
  
Still breathing heavily I watched him go and all I felt for him was love and gratefulness.  
  
I knew, this state wouldn't last. I knew, sooner or later it all would return  
and abstract things like pain, rage and self-hate would turn my life into hell once more.  
  
But right now, at this very moment I could not have been any happier.  
  
Vegard was right. It seemed, like the time for the project 'Ylvis' was over.  
  
I felt a little sorry about it, but everything was fine.  
We had each other, we'll always would have.  
Who knows, there was this offer from Los Angeles...  
  
With the sleeve of my sweater I wiped my face clean and followed my brother.


End file.
